Let's put up another

Well, it's time for another update. This time it's something casual, a fan drawing.

I've always been a rockchick. Can't describe it any other way. Since late primary school I started listening to rock-music, it started with things as P!nk, then Avril Lavigne, and in the last year of primary school I was fan of Evanescence.

It feels like that kind of music has always inspired me to draw, write and dance. The stories of the songs go deeper, they have a meaning, a message, and the rhythm of the music carries them to places far in this world.

When I was in secondary school I discovered the band Tokio Hotel through the internet. I know, a lot of you people need to puke now. But I hate that people judge only on outer-looks, and give the people nor the music a chance.

I did that too. I saw the band on the Evanescence-fansite, and the first thing I thought was: what a bunch of geeks. But somehow, I got fascinated by them. Especially by the singer, and his unique looks. I downloaded some songs, and surprisingly I liked it.

What do say? I loved it. Even though German isn't my language, it sounded very good to me. I started visiting fora about them, Dutch, English, fanfic, you name it. It was some sort of obsession. Then, in the first summerholiday at secondary school, there was a fanaction for the twins' birthday. I decided to participate and made a drawing of Bill.




It was my first attempt to draw a portrait that actually had "photographic" features. At the back of the drawing I wrote a song, that I'd written that summer too, in the middle of a heat-wave. I'd locked myself up in the bathroom, the coolest room in the house, and dreamed of a snowy and freezing-cold winter.

Forever Winter

Hello again, my love
I just wanted to know
Is the snow colder without me?
Does the winter not want to go?

It won’t be forever winter
The ice will start to melt
Your heart won’t stay frozen
The pain will come to an end
When you listen to your inner voice
Then someday the grief will stop
Your soul won’t get stolen
If you never give up

Remember the forest
The old oak tree
With the snowwhite branches
Don’t forget the memory of me

It won’t be forever winter
The ice will start to melt
Your heart won’t stay frozen
The pain will come to an end
When you listen to your inner voice
Then someday the grief will stop
Your soul won’t get stolen
If you never give up

Carve my name in the wood
Don’t be afraid to close your eyes
Write your name in the snow
Stop living in the lies

It won’t be forever winter
The ice will start to melt
Your heart won’t stay frozen
The pain will come to an end
When you listen to your inner voice
Then someday the grief will stop
Your soul won’t get stolen
If you never give up

It’s cold, I know, but keep breathing
This seperation won’t last forever
Just call me if you feel like falling
And if you’ll listen carefully
You can hear me calling

It won’t be forever winter
The ice will start to melt
Your heart won’t stay frozen
The pain will come to an end
When you listen to your inner voice
Then someday the grief will stop
Your soul won’t get stolen
If you never give up

Goodbye my love…


Then I posted it. I never had a reaction, but I don't mind. You can hardly expect them to write back to every fan that sends something. But it arrived, and the thought that they saw the drawing is enough for me. My drawing-skills really improved with this drawing, I learned how to make smooth shadowing on the face and draw make-up around the eyes.

I'm still a fan of Tokio Hotel, but it's less then before. I listen to other kinds of music too now. I learned that almost every sort of music has a message and/or a meaning. Music will always be a very important part of my life, I can't live without it.

~ Anouk

Dreamy Stuff...

My second entry in one week! What a miracle...

But everything had a reason.

Well, the reason for this entry is some old stuff. I found it on the old computer, wich has a scanner attached, so I can scan my drawings on that one. Only obstacle is that I have to mail all my drawings to my laptop. And as I was searching through the pc, I found an old drawing. A drawing with a story.



I made this some months ago, when I felt like putting my feelings on paper. Ofcourse, those were about a boy. Could it be anymore surprising? But I liked the boy a long time, sometimes I reckon too long. Did I really know him? No, I suppose not. I just saw him once in a while, passing by, but in my head he became some sort of object of my endless imagination. I gave him a personality, formed him to a perfect picture in my mind.

And that lasted for months, even years.

But there came an end to the era of dreams. We started to talk. Not in real life, but on a computerscreen. And I loved it. It was like food for my imagination, instead of my expectation that the image in my head would be shattered, it even grew.

And like that, weeks passed by.

Then we met in real life. I was not myself, I was in another state, afraid of saying the wrong things, wanting the floor to open up and just swallow me up right away, on that place and time. But it was less hard then I thought. And as we met more times, it even faded away. I thought it would never end.

Then that day, at the mall, he was shopping. With an other girl.

I felt beaten. Suddenly it felt useless, everything that I'd thought, that we'd said, that I'd hoped. And I didn't wanted it anymore. I was over it, even though that hurted too. Mostly I felt betrayed. But I closed myself again, I didn't wanted to feel anymore, I wandered through my dreamworlds again.

But it ended.

And with that, I started hoping. Again. And I hated myself for that. It was weak, I had forbidden myself to do that again. So when I started to overwhelm myself with self-hate, we talked. And as time passed by, we met. My feelings started to grow again, I couldn't stop it. At a certain point, I gave in. With the help of some friends I discovered - finally - he started responding to my feelings. He had said he liked me, and wanted more. Those simple words gave me wings, and we met at his place again. And again.

And it happened.

We fell in love, both, and it was like a dream. I couldn't believe it, sometimes now it even feels like one of my countless fantasies. It felt so pure, so good and so right to be there, together. Like it didn't matter what I say, 'cause words could never describe what it was like. And still is. We've been together for a short time now, but it feels longer, much longer. I just hope it will last, I'm so anxious to lose him. But there's one thing I know for sure, without doubt, from the bottom of my heart.

I love him.

A Big Hello

So, my first blog-entry.

What am I going to write?

Good one.

Well, first, let me show me some of my drawings.



So, that's something of Amy Lee (now Amy Hartzler). Took me a while, but I'm happy with the result. I think I made this one or two years ago, I think I was 14 back then. I remember the shading was really hard, but I loved to do it. I also liked the mouth, as the picture has a less common point of view. I originally intended to do all of the hair, but the page was to small, and I didn't feel like doing a background either.

So that's for now. Next time I'll show another one.

~ Anouk Nuyten